The Lamp Stand

Good-bye! Good-bye, Manassas. Good-by All Saints Catholic Church. Family and friends. Good-bye I have to go. And choir rehearsals. And train whistles, and town-parades. And farmers markets, and familiar bicycle rides. And daily Mass, and strong community. Oh, Manassas, you are so wonderful and I will miss you.

The time has come for me to move. America is the best country on earth and Manassas a great town to call home. I’ve enjoyed living here – every, every minute. I’ll be back. And I will make the most of my extended stay in Europe.

Keep me in your prayers. The Holy Spirit lives in Manassas.

How brave we are to face the world each and every day. Death is part our very existence and we go about day in and day out like life goes on forever. How precious a gift we have and life itself is not our own but only borrowed from the great giver of all.

Be good and love one another.

Love is our very purpose in this life and we are commanded to love one another. Those who do not receive love suffer greatly and those who cannot give love do not live.

How can someone keep love to them self? We must love ourselves, but not be selfish. Love is meant to be given and shared and when we do not give the love given to us away it becomes corrupt and turns into terrible things. Woe to all who are selfish for they store love until it turns sour.

Who wants to drink of sour milk? Who wants to eat what is rotten? Give what is good and with joy many will receive love. What greater job can one ask for than to be a distributor of love.

What dignity is man? The child? That our Lord God would take the form of an infant as I once was. What dignity is the mother? The mother who cares for a child as Mary did Jesus, as my mother did my Lord.

God, you were fully man.

I often wonder about all of those miracles you performed on Earth while a man. Sometimes, like the bad thief, I wonder why did you not take away the cup of The Father that brought about the suffering with your love. Why not use your God power to save yourself?
Then, I realize, God, you performed miracles by your faith. I am man as you were man. While on Earth, yes you were fully God. You were also fully man. The miracles you performed, feeding the masses with but a few loafs of bread, catching of many fish from the sea, quieting the storm, curing the blind, the leper, the sick, raising Lazarus from the dead, and your very own resurrection, my God, it was by the power of your faith and not by the supernatural that you did these things.
I too am fully man. You gave me the gift of faith at my baptism. My good God, give me faith as strong as yours that I too may rise from the dead, may feed the many poor, may cure ills of my enemies and may go through great sufferings with the trust in God The Father that I should do His holy will and be grateful.

Make me what you once were, fully man and by virtue of the grace of God and gifts of baptism, knowledge of my dignity as a child of God and worthy of heaven and all its fruits of life.

My God, give me your unshakeable faith.

I’m done. I’m done paying too much to telecommunication companies that offer poor service.

No home Internet. No cell phone. I am going to stick it to the man!

Why? How can I live like this? Well, I do not expect it to be easy, but let me tell you, there will be benefits for all that I give up. Who knows, I might even learn a thing or two.

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This past Thanksgiving, I disconnected totally from the world. One week at a Trappist Monastery. Honestly, I’ve not had that much space to think since childhood. Perhaps I’m the last of a generation that will ever have experienced life not connected.

In middle school, cellphones among kids was not a given, but by high-school it was. My first experience on a computer was Windows 98 and I was not allowed on the internet because it blocked the phone. My first Internet experience was on kids AOL and honestly computers and games were not the crazy cool experience some are today. It was more fun to go outside. Play in the woods. Ride bikes. Throw rocks at friends. Catch lizards.

You know, since college really, most everyone all the time expects a reply on text message, social media, email. Homework is to be turned in online. Quizzes in class are taken by connecting your phone to app. We are all expected to be connected all the time.

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Not for me. Not any more.

I, with grace from God, will choose what is real. God, lead me not into temptation, but deliver me from evil and may your goodness be brought forth from the evil.

In Jesus’ name we pray,

Amen.

One of my favourite sites in all the world is a barren tree on a clear and brightly lit night. To see the branches against the backdrop of the night sky is to stir wonder.

Why this tree has been here for many years, once little more than a sapling. The branches are like the history of the sun, the rotation of the earth, and all of the relationships the tree has with its environment.

You can see where the sun’s energy through photosynthesis turned light into sugar, one season at a time with each leaf doing its work. The tree turns light into matter, from something we cannot see, into something that gives us food to eat. Many leaves mature and die each generation, contributing to growth of the tree for generation after generation.

How massive a tree looks when lying on your back looking up.

Perhaps this tree has stood nearly 100 years or more. This is the history of just one tree and one star. On the back drop of the night sky, there are so many many more stars. The light from the sun took 8 minutes to reach this tree, each minute of each day. The light that touches the eyes from a distant star maybe many thousands of years old and the star no longer exists. Thousands of stars are visible through the barren branches.

What little I am. Why am I here? Why are we here? I will live longer than one of those leaves, but perhaps not as long as this tree.

This is my thoughts many fall nights throughout childhood. Sometimes, many times, alone. Often, alone with my dog. Occasionally with friend, or more rarely a childhood crush. The great vastness of the universe is a sublime question we all face when in times of peaceful stillness we think deeply and look at the sky.

God does grant us wonder and intellect that we may come to recognize and know him. Many souls come to know His divinity is through the recognition of omnipotence in His creation’s austere.

What miracle do I need to believe in God that is anymore than opening my eyes? Some things we have to believe to see.